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FINANCIAL CHRONICLE™ » ECONOMIC CHRONICLE™ » Very Intelligent yet Hilarious remarks on American Politics and Economic Agenda from Cecily Strong's Speech

Very Intelligent yet Hilarious remarks on American Politics and Economic Agenda from Cecily Strong's Speech

Go down  Message [Page 1 of 1]

Business Basil


Manager - Equity Analytics
Manager - Equity Analytics


Full Transcript here

0:04okay
0:05feels right to have a woman follow President Obama doesn't
0:09yeah
0:11in
0:12good evening I'm senseless strongly and you may know me from Saturday Night Live
0:18or is the ethnically ambiguous girl from every college pressure
0:22behind serve a mash-up other people in hillary clinton's announcement video
0:27behind also the first
0:31straight woman so how's this in 20 years so
0:34we finally made it straight people but
0:40women heterosexuals their min
0:43now you're lame now
0:46I now you need to say something here just because I'm a woman
0:50doesn't mean I'm gonna go easy on you people I'm going to be easy on you
0:53people
0:54because my brain is smaller night
0:59do
1:02I feel very lucky to be here and last year's house Joel McHale
1:06proves that speaking at this dinner is an amazing opportunity
1:10they continue from starring in a show on NBC
1:13all the way to starring in that same show but on Yahoo
1:16I
1:17do
1:23I don't and check here and it was way more luxurious than I thought did you
1:27know that they have
1:28missiles seats available on this change I use it for a job I 10
1:33soon
1:34this handsome get Iran somehow I'm I hope everyone enjoyed dinner
1:39we tried to get memories pizza Decatur this event
1:43but they heard a rumor Barney Frank maybe here's town thanks a lot
1:47bernie I we could have had that world-famous
1:51Indiana pizza yeah I can make that jet but Indiana because I'm
1:57from la9 a
2:01I'm the White House Correspondents Dinner
2:04is a chance for I love you to unwind relax
2:08and laugh as soon as you notice someone slightly more powerful than you is
2:11laughing
2:14I that weird to be up here
2:17and okay I promise since I'm only comedienne
2:21I'm not going to I did tell you politicians haddon do politics so
2:25whenever
2:25and that's not my job that you like you guys telling me what to do with my body
2:31and make you mentioned
2:33a the
2:42not tonight cement is being broadcast on c-span
2:45so to some viewers watching at home and C span hello
2:49but to most viewers watching at home on C-span
2:52me now but
3:01now if we don't know how to find C span you just press the Guide button on your
3:05remote and then hit page
3:06up until your fam cramps at night
3:12but cases and I just wanna do a camera check real quick okay camera one
3:17and then set that sunlight
3:23it is great to be here at the Washington Hilton
3:26it's something a prostitute might say to a congressman
3:29in
3:36Washington Hilton you guys man
3:40if these walls could talk babe proudly say clean me
3:45land yeah it's crazy to think that our president is right here in the ballroom
3:51other Washington Hilton
3:53it's even crazier to think that our vice president is right now in the ball pit
3:58a Washington Chuck E Cheese this
4:04but seriously the Washington Hilton is great and I bet that when the president
4:08went and saw those Bell Habsi but
4:11finally some decent security yes
4:16so can just kidding now is let's give it up for the secret service
4:20yeah
4:25I don't be too hard on those guys
4:27you know because they're the only law enforcement agency in the country that
4:30will get in trouble it's a black man gets shocked
4:33I
4:36sis are using the are using true
4:39Louis
4:42bezane brings together so many different ways of delivering the news
4:46but you're all in this together from the networks at the front
4:50to the internet and cable in the bad all the way to the incredible print
4:54journalists are busting the tables this
4:58do MSNBC is here
5:02love MSNBC you know even their call letters are long winded
5:07list just a great variety of shows
5:10Rachel Manowar locked up abroad lockup Rana
5:14lockup SUV like up in espanol like a bloopers
5:19MSNBC show so many prison documentaries they're making and Schultz get a
5:23teardrop tattoo
5:24look some real black citizens here
5:29the box news has been losing a lot of viewers lately and maybe rest in peace
5:37that's nice to say that channel haha
5:41my ladies in all did snow every show on Fox News looks like a party scene from
5:45weekend at Bernie's
5:46do and you gotta give it up for CNN you know
5:52it's comforting to know that whenever a big story breaks
5:55I can turn to CNN and much Anthony Bourdain in a cricket
5:58bombings in post it here
6:03can we take no I met partnership with a lol
6:07everyone in my chat room what's up talking about it
6:13BuzzFeed it here but I can show you a list a column 17 reasons why they
6:18shouldn't be
6:19bliss
6:22United don't forget USA Today Ad here
6:25a great sin they're only here because they were slips under the hotel door
6:30I
6:32I
6:33minutes USA Today unless today is Saturday or Sunday
6:38it
6:43and here is here cleared
6:47there at the Fred NPR had a lot of success is Sara Keene a serial podcasts
6:51which finally answered the question what would it be like if somebody gently
6:55whispered an episode of Dateline
6:58and Sarah I'm so sorry you were able to get your plus one energy on time
7:03surging must be so pissed about the GATT its cereal but with unending
7:08Keiser next season pick someone you definitely did
7:12like the Manzanar ass
7:16this DNA on the 9th you guys
7:20NBC in here you know even as it as a noun to criticize this year for making
7:25fun to buy says
7:26now I think that's unfair I mean if anyone is guilty of taking ice is too
7:30lightly and Sam
7:32limitless
7:40no what can I say about Brian Williams
7:43nothing because I worked for NBC news
7:53know there's so many stars from so many great show this year
7:56we are really in a golden age in television you know but I have to say
8:00I still see so many negative for trails a black and gay people out there
8:04I mean its 2015 and we still have TV characters like Don Lemon
8:09city killing this
8:14like SM ABC's blackish it here
8:19which i think is very inappropriate add to the way they cheated those whales at
8:23SeaWorld
8:24this
8:25in
8:29so to get to the epic fantasy series Game of Thrones is here
8:32and they tell me that even they have never seen this many nerds before
8:36blame me camel here
8:40Naomi you're lucky Hillary Clinton is not here because
8:43if you threw a blackberry at her she would just delete everything right after
8:49this
8:52don't want to send this user a private email because she didn't want to use
8:55more than two devices
8:57now that sounds familiar it's because it's also one in the rules from the sex
9:00contract in 50 shades of grey s
9:04loves to get the downturn abby is here
9:08they should generous donation from the constituents apparent shock
9:13in now now speaking appearance at and
9:18you might notice I'm a little tan I just got back from
9:23the most fabulous chip that Aaron check me on and
9:26I brought my Instagram photos to share at the SM so you're probably familiar
9:30now with this picture shacks surfing in Hawaii but
9:34these might announce a little yes even saying the
9:37many and then you need a third for it I just sees aaron's ads
9:41Lily went diving into the school swimming pool he had films
9:47it hurt when I landed I
9:51ok and here's that mean and skydiving
9:54Aaron said he made his own pair soon as some gives his constituents save them
9:58so sweet and
10:02now and here we are at the Eiffel Tower in Paris
10:06pairs is so beautiful mister president you should really think about going and
10:10some time
10:12love
10:14I and the weather is decent and my
10:18menu we cannot ship to California we
10:22must have done this for hours on hours judge so much wasted modern
10:29band here Aaron Schock sound dinosaur
10:32I'll and used here we are after hunting the dinosaurs
10:37my when was that is that Brian you will Yahoo
10:41they're doing you ran school
10:44I
10:46and oh man air tonight we just said
10:49so much fun and now I know what you're thinking but it was not romantic
10:54it was strictly a friend said trip he reminded me every day
10:58boo
11:02for those couple %um but just because they're in shock resigned doesn't mean
11:06that they're
11:07are not any smoking hot congressman lab I mean
11:10lookin out tonight I see so many tens
11:13well Washington tens some new year fours
11:17lose Indiana 30 s
11:23senate Minority Leader Harry Reid is retiring after serving more than 30
11:27years in congress
11:28no I didn't know this Harry Reid was a boxer before he spent five terms as a
11:33punching bag I
11:36know what my favorite things that happen in congress this year
11:40was when Senator Jim Inhofe but in a snowball
11:43to prove that climate change is every I mean that blew my mind
11:48I don't even need to see the other science projects for spreadsheet and
11:52same you glad science to lie in command
11:56this
12:00so cool I senator tom patten got forty seven other senators signed an open
12:07letter he wrote to run
12:08and I guess the most surprising thing is that a guy named Tom cotton
12:13is a US Senator another rabbit from an old races disney cars shoes
12:20ok call please braille well-known told Tom cotton in the bulk purchase
12:30an ass
12:31now in time Kansas offense he was just trying to repair America's strained
12:36relationship with Israel
12:37be no he doesn't need to worry about that our relationship will be better in
12:40the next administration
12:42just as soon as israel makes a generous donation to the Clinton Foundation
12:45look
12:47list really
12:49learn Lee
12:51now it's been a great year for women
12:54and always sis
12:58this year representative from Hobby Lobby said they didn't want to pay for
13:01employees health care if it covered things like contraceptives
13:04which is weird because I asked him was what I'll is the yarn and miss
13:12and say that I do love Hobby Lobby I went there this morning and I just by
13:16the cutest in a wicker basket to hold on my morning after pills this
13:24I know representative veto barbieri recently as to ban ecological exams to
13:28be conducted by a woman smiling at camera
13:31but they can't and now be known as wife have ruined a perfectly good help round
13:39President Obama came out and support for putting women on money
13:42as opposed to the DEA agents you prefer to put money on women
13:46I
13:50so much to talk about this year but & Poor's
13:52the big story the republicans finally succeeded
13:56and Obama is reinforce Adam up within 18 months
14:00you to and the
14:04and there's so many great people party announced they're running for president
14:07like who say even vote for
14:09time is Michael Ruby I know it's like who's better than Michael Rubio
14:12hurry lyn is Rand Paul I mean who's who are knowledgeable about foreign policy
14:17then ramp up hiring
14:18levers 33 I mean good better on the economy than Hillary
14:23film boo
14:28dollars campaign slogan is it's your time
14:31which I assume is what she says into a mere well she's dead lifting 200-pound
14:36do
14:39said about hillary running time ensures she is excited about having to rent
14:44I think she feels the same way Meryl Streep feels when she says addition for
14:48something
14:49makin me yes make me go through them you know I'm gonna win
14:53the archives now
14:57this next part is a repeat after me so I need your help here
15:00I'm on all the media to put their hands up and swear something this election
15:04season okay
15:05I solemnly swear boo
15:09not to talk about hillary's appearance
15:14because that is not journalism in
15:19the
15:29also says lucerne let's play tonight
15:32down
15:36now I don't you take any event as an endorsement for hillary clinton because
15:41I would never blindly endorse a candidate I don't play on SNL
15:45the billion as our work cut out for her Democratic challenger
15:51is are a who's who have who is bad but
15:57Tim Webb lincoln Chafee Silas Phelps
16:02Peter Wilkes now those last two
16:12were characters from The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn you didn't even notice
16:16digit combat ban
16:22let's not forget martin O'Malley lit oh and the dad that's just as actual
16:27campaign slogan let's not forget martin O'Malley
16:34lincoln Chafee is considering entering the race lincoln Chafee thinking in the
16:37president is like watching a dog look for its dead owner like
16:40om heat is unknown
16:44the
16:48lovely woman elizabeth born to run for president but many think she's too
16:52idealistic and her proposed policies are too liberal
16:55but look at President Obama I mean given that the same thing about him he ended
16:59up doing a headstand
17:05I
17:06now the Republican field as ideologically diverse
17:09including people like Ted Cruz is a tea partier and Rand Paul the libertarian
17:14and even people like Chris Christie has a democrat yes
17:20jeb Bush's probably in the race the presidential race not the Hispanic brace
17:24that is an accident and by the way jab
17:27is actually an acronym for John Ellis butts
17:30I guess he thought that senator leaders so he will weigh in overtime and say
17:34this
17:36you like it Benedict Cumberbatch decided to go by Skeeter
17:40lose
17:43yes
17:46my career is running for president when Jebus found out he said
17:49ideas mio yes
17:54Gregory I makes Mitt Romney seemed relaxed on the air
17:57I just took my girl gets comfortable in front of a camera before yesterday on TV
18:01to endorse jab
18:02bold that one
18:08chris Christie is said that if he's elected president he would crack down on
18:11state to legalize marijuana because he believes marijuana is a gateway Jan
18:15so like that bridge to other journalists
18:19many months to shut down that bridge fine I'm just looking
18:23the
18:25new poll shows that chris Christie's approval ratings in New Jersey are at an
18:28all-time low
18:29in fact the only thing new jerseyans approval last is quote
18:33that the many think I would state uses star look
18:39said Chris it's like the right wing but what's the exact
18:43up a set up a black president company Canadian Latinos will never be president
18:47but
18:50pencil he was born in Canada a child a cuban immigrants
18:54I kinda can't believe he wasn't in hillary's announcement video
18:57but Bowling Green is considering running for president
19:03seems like a lot of work just to be a fax news pendant
19:06I Rand Paul has announced that he's taking over the family's not being
19:12president business
19:14behind yes that's random as in
19:17he didn't get elected but at least the range lose
19:23Nepal the libertarian which if you're unfamiliar
19:26a libertarian is just a Republican that you have to block on Twitter
19:29this
19:32grandpa's campaign slogan is defeat the Washington machine unleash the American
19:37dream
19:37the American Dream a course is the model name a grandpa's way
19:41I well and not talk about 2016 let's talk about the most important person in
19:47the room my leader
19:49the person I'm so glad it's in the white house Michelle
19:52Obama's Michelle
19:59you take care that God my you can because in a team as you know bill stern
20:03and that they in turn a bug ample
20:04lose
20:11but there's a Michelle Obama what an amazing woman
20:14a harvard-educated lawyer appears advocate for LGBT rights
20:19and the banner at the let's move campaign to combat childhood obesity
20:23it is a dream to sit next year but it's a nightmare to
20:26exes I said I have a confession
20:31you know when I'm gonna to the bathroom like 20 minutes
20:34I and I had a cheese pizza and Thailand
20:39sang-moon
20:42employers mister president thank you so much for taking time away from being on
20:47Jimmy Kimmel to be here
20:48but
20:50it's amazing to see if the president having this fancy dinner and I know
20:54this message pass to China food stamps so thank you yeah
20:59I can say that you have against well I don't know this
21:02by President Obama and i actually grew up together in Chicago
21:05I remember when we used to go down to the cabrini green basketball courts
21:10I'll a separate pair Jordans he'd slip on a pair my mom's jeans and shoes
21:17we would just missed 3-pointers until sundown
21:21course we'd have to stop and pray to mentor I'm
21:26because are simpler times
21:29now you got plans a congressman couldn't with Israel
21:32you said it yourself we can't solve these problems by holding hands and
21:36singing Kumbaya
21:37comme yeah of course is the village in Africa
21:40where the president was born but
21:43messing that right combine
21:46think after six years in office your approval rating is at forty eight
21:50percent
21:51nunnally bad your grey hairs that eighty-five percent
21:54but here so white now I can talk back to the police
21:59in
22:04well high five about that when you and
22:08President Obama many ways you're coming up as in 2016 answer to that name
22:13promise to let hillary fix the economy for the last eight years
22:16then it could be you running away from her successful presidency
22:20I him as a president you bring together for land
22:24your lot like Madonna my
22:27you but given this country's so much but in like a year and a half
22:31you gotta stand this
22:36mister president it was a true honor to be here tonight and they do the White
22:40House Correspondents Association whatever that is
22:43light
22:45do I have to finish up because the exterminators need to get into this man
22:51got about them pizza to finish some stuff thank you so much something the

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