FINANCIAL CHRONICLE™
Dear Reader,

Registration with the Sri Lanka FINANCIAL CHRONICLE™️ would enable you to enjoy an array of other services such as Member Rankings, User Groups, Own Posts & Profile, Exclusive Research, Live Chat Box etc..

All information contained in this forum is subject to Disclaimer Notice published.


Thank You
FINANCIAL CHRONICLE™️
www.srilankachronicle.com


Join the forum, it's quick and easy

FINANCIAL CHRONICLE™
Dear Reader,

Registration with the Sri Lanka FINANCIAL CHRONICLE™️ would enable you to enjoy an array of other services such as Member Rankings, User Groups, Own Posts & Profile, Exclusive Research, Live Chat Box etc..

All information contained in this forum is subject to Disclaimer Notice published.


Thank You
FINANCIAL CHRONICLE™️
www.srilankachronicle.com
FINANCIAL CHRONICLE™
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.

Encyclopedia of Latest news, reviews, discussions and analysis of stock market and investment opportunities in Sri Lanka


Submit PostSubmit Post
ශ්‍රී ලංකා මූල්‍ය වංශකථාව - සිංහල
Submit Post



EXPERT CHRONICLE™

ECONOMIC CHRONICLE

GROSS DOMESTIC PRODUCT (GDP)


CHRONICLE™ YouTube

CHRONICLE™ NEWS PRODUCTS

FINANCIAL CHRONICLE™

Views & Reviews, Analysis, Evaluations, Discussions, Gossip and Hot Tips relating to Sri Lankan companies listed on the Colombo Stock Exchange (CSE)
Contribute




DAILY CHRONICLE™

Latest news and articles published in Newspapers, Websites, Blogs and other online news sites relating to business and investments in Sri Lanka
Contribute



ECONOMIC CHRONICLE™

This is a section that provide news, views, analysis, predications relating to Political and Socio-Economic factors and how such activities affect the Stock Market and other economic activity of the Country.

Contribute




EXPERT CHRONICLE™

This is an exclusive section for Expert Articles which will help member to share knowledge through comments and responses of the members. All members are allowed to reply and make comments to these articles.

Contribute


Submit Post


CHRONICLE™ YouTube

Youtube Videos and other visual presentations relating Stock market and other investment advise submitted by members or other contributors.

Contribute


Submit Post


කොළඔ කොටස් වෙළඳපොළේ වංශකථාව
කොළඔ කොටස් වෙළඳපොළේ ලැයිස්තුගත සමාගම් කොටස් ගැන තොරතුරු¸විශ්ලේෂණ¸සාකච්ඡා¸ කටකතා¸රසකතා යන සියල්ල අපේම සිංහලෙන් කතා කළ හැකි ‘කතා මණ්ඩපය’

Contribute

Twitter Feeds
POPULAR COMPANIES
A

ABANS ELECTRICALS PLC

ACCESS ENGINEERING PLC Hot

ACL CABLES PLC

ACL PLASTICS PLC

ACME PRINTING & PACKAGING PLC

AGSTAR PLC

AITKEN SPENCE HOTEL HOLDINGS PLC

AITKEN SPENCE PLC

ANILANA HOTELS AND PROPERTIES PLC

ARPICO INSURANCE PLC

ASIA ASSET FINANCE PLC

ASIA CAPITAL PLC

B

BAIRAHA FARMS PLC

BALANGODA PLANTATIONS PLC

BIMPUTH FINANCE PLC

BLUE DIAMONDS JEWELLERY WORLDWIDE PLC

B P P L HOLDINGS PLC

BROWNS BEACH HOTELS PLC

BROWNS INVESTMENTS PLC

C

CARGO BOAT DEVELOPMENT COMPANY PLC

CENTRAL INDUSTRIES PLC

CEYLON COLD STORES PLC

CEYLON GRAIN ELEVATORS PLC Hot

CEYLON TEA BROKERS PLC

CEYLON TOBACCO COMPANY PLC

CHEVRON LUBRICANTS LANKA PLC

COLOMBO FORT LAND & BUILDING PLC

COMMERCIAL BANK OF CEYLON PLC

CITRUS LEISURE PLC Hot

COMMERCIAL CREDIT AND FINANCE PLC

D

DANKOTUWA PORCELAIN PLC

DFCC BANK PLC

DIALOG AXIATA PLC

DIALOG FINANCE PLC

DIPPED PRODUCTS PLC

DISTILLERIES COMPANY OF SRI LANKA PLC

DUNAMIS CAPITAL PLC

E

EAST WEST PROPERTIES PLC Hot

EASTERN MERCHANTS PLC

EXPOLANKA HOLDINGS PLC

E-CHANNELLING PLC

F

FIRST CAPITAL HOLDINGS PLC

G

GALADARI HOTELS (LANKA) PLC

GUARDIAN CAPITAL PARTNERS PLC

H

HATTON NATIONAL BANK PLC

HAYLEYS PLC

HAYLEYS FABRIC PLC

HAYLEYS FIBRE PLC Hot

HEMAS HOLDINGS PLC

HIKKADUWA BEACH RESORT PLC

HNB ASSURANCE PLC

HVA FOODS PLC

J

JANASHAKTHI INSURANCE COMPANY PLC

JOHN KEELLS HOLDINGS PLC Hot

JOHN KEELLS HOTELS PLC

L

LANKA ASHOK LEYLAND PLC

LANKA IOC PLC

LANKEM CEYLON PLC

LANKEM DEVELOPMENTS PLC

LAUGFS GAS PLC

LAUGFS POWER LIMITED

LOLC FINANCE PLC

LOLC HOLDINGS PLC

LUCKY LANKA MILK PROCESSING COMPANY PLC

M

MELSTACORP PLC

N

NATIONAL DEVELOPMENT BANK PLC

NATION LANKA FINANCE PLC

NESTLE LANKA PLC

O

ORIENT FINANCE PLC

OVERSEAS REALTY (CEYLON) PLC

P

PANASIAN POWER PLC

PEOPLE'S LEASING & FINANCE PLC

PIRAMAL GLASS CEYLON PLC

PRIME FINANCE PLC

R

RAIGAM WAYAMBA SALTERNS PLC

RENUKA AGRI FOODS PLC

RENUKA CAPITAL PLC

RENUKA HOLDINGS PLC

RICHARD PIERIS AND COMPANY PLC

RICHARD PIERIS EXPORTS PLC Hot

ROYAL CERAMICS PLC

S

SAMPATH BANK PLC

SEYLAN BANK PLC

SIERRA CABLES PLC

SINGHE HOSPITALS PLC Hot

SMB LEASING PLC

SOFTLOGIC HOLDINGS PLC

SOFTLOGIC LIFE INSURANCE PLC

SRI LANKA TELECOM PLC

SWISSTEK (CEYLON) PLC Hot

T

TEEJAY LANKA PLC

TESS AGRO PLC

THREE ACRE FARMS PLC

TOKYO CEMENT COMPANY (LANKA) PLC Hot

U

UNION BANK OF COLOMBO PLC

V

VALLIBEL FINANCE PLC

VALLIBEL ONE PLC Hot

VALLIBEL POWER ERATHNA PLC

W

WASKADUWA BEACH RESORT PLC


You are not connected. Please login or register

FINANCIAL CHRONICLE™ » FUN CHRONICLE™ » Stock Market Funny Stories

Stock Market Funny Stories

Go down  Message [Page 1 of 1]

nahsuk

nahsuk
Manager - Equity Analytics
Manager - Equity Analytics
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, stockbroker, of Noo Yawk City."
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the stockbroker, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
The stockbroker goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a stockbroker-- he gets a silken robe and golden staff but I, a minister, only get a cotton robe and wooden staff? How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; his clients, they prayed."


Share this post on: redditgoogle

nahsuk

Post Tue Aug 23, 2011 8:56 pm by nahsuk

Two women were walking through the woods when a frog called out to them and said: "Help me, ladies! I am a stockbroker who, through an evil witch's curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I'll be returned to my former state!"
One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The other woman, aghast, screamed, "Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into a stockbroker!"
The second woman replied, "Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than a stockbroker!"

nahsuk

Post Tue Aug 23, 2011 8:57 pm by nahsuk



  • The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night. I woke up every hour and cried.
  • The market is weird. Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they're smart.
  • The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money.

nahsuk

Post Tue Aug 23, 2011 8:58 pm by nahsuk



  • A long term investment is a short term investment that failed.
  • A stockbroker is someone who invests your money till it's all gone!
  • Broker: A man on the right end of a telephone.
  • My broker and I are working on a retirement plan. Unfortunately, it's his!

Roboticfx

Post Tue Aug 23, 2011 9:14 pm by Roboticfx

stories are good GUY. jocolor But why don't you write positive things Question my advice is always be positive sunny . If you think that you can, possibly you can king

nahsuk

Post Tue Aug 23, 2011 9:16 pm by nahsuk

@Roboticfx wrote:stories are good GUY. jocolor But why don't you write positive things Question my advice is always be positive sunny . If you think that you can, possibly you can king


Thanks buddy.This is for fun.Don't get serious .

NimeshaJK

Post Thu Sep 15, 2011 7:50 pm by NimeshaJK

LOL.. good ones... Very Happy

pitbull

Post Fri Sep 16, 2011 7:31 am by pitbull

Dad: I want u 2 marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No
Dad: The girl is Bill Gates' daughter.
Son: Then ok


............Dad goes 2 Bill Gates
Dad: I want ur daughter 2 marry my son.
Bill Gates: No
Dad: My son is d CEO of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Then ok


............. Dad goes 2 the President of the World Bank..
Dad: Apoint my son as the CEO of ur bank.
President:No!
Dad: He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.
President:Then ok!

yoyo

Post Fri Sep 16, 2011 11:09 am by yoyo

How do you define Bear Market?

9 to 10 month period, during which
children don't get any pocket money,
wife doesn't get any jewellery,
and husband doesn't get any sex!

yoyo

Post Fri Sep 16, 2011 11:11 am by yoyo

The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night. I woke up every hour and cried.

What's the difference between buying a lottery ticket and buying a penny stock? In the first case, you help finance your local community swimming pool. In the second case, you help finance the stock promoters home pool.

My broker and I are working on a retirement plan. Unfortunately, it's his!

A long term investment is a short term investment that failed.

A stockbroker is someone who invests your money till it's all gone!

It was so cold today I saw a stockbroker with his hands in his own pockets.

A market analyst is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today!

I'm thinking of leaving my husband, complained the broker's wife. "All he ever does is stand at the end of the bed and tell me how good things are going to be."

Momentum Investing: The fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value Investing: The art of buying low and selling lower


Q: Why did God create stock analysts ?
A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.

Thushara Ayya

Post Fri Sep 16, 2011 1:47 pm by Thushara Ayya

Thanks a lot for real funnies....

Roboticfx

Post Fri Sep 16, 2011 3:56 pm by Roboticfx

@yoyo wrote:The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night. I woke up every hour and cried.

What's the difference between buying a lottery ticket and buying a penny stock? In the first case, you help finance your local community swimming pool. In the second case, you help finance the stock promoters home pool.

My broker and I are working on a retirement plan. Unfortunately, it's his!

A long term investment is a short term investment that failed.

A stockbroker is someone who invests your money till it's all gone!

It was so cold today I saw a stockbroker with his hands in his own pockets.

A market analyst is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today!

I'm thinking of leaving my husband, complained the broker's wife. "All he ever does is stand at the end of the bed and tell me how good things are going to be."

Momentum Investing: The fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value Investing: The art of buying low and selling lower


Q: Why did God create stock analysts ?
A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.

Hello mewa mulinma post kale Quibit nedha? Ape admin?

pirate

Post Fri Sep 16, 2011 6:39 pm by pirate

These r quotes neh !!!!!
cheers realllly funny

Kumar

Post Sun Jan 01, 2012 11:47 pm by Kumar

Really funny stories.
Good to share.
Thanks a lot.

Post  by Sponsored content

Back to top  Message [Page 1 of 1]

Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum