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261Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Wed Apr 18, 2012 5:09 pm

SL.Market


Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics

Loveable Sri Lankan Cheer Leader..... Percy

By Rex Clementine

The entire team rose up in respect when one of the greatest fast bowler to have played the game Sir Richard Hadlee paid a visit to the Sri Lankan dressing room during the first Test Match in Christchurch. While Hadlee collected a few autographs from the players, he apparently asked Chaminda Vaas how his great pal Percy Abeysekara was. Hadlee has been a great admirer of Percy and had even presented the Sri Lankan cheerleader some of his memorabilia after he saw the Sri Lankan’s knowledge and passion for the game. ‘Percy, don’t lose your voice, Sri Lanka needs it more than you,’ he’s supposed to have written in one of Percy’s autographs.

Many players have had a liking for this cheerleader. His knowledge of the game and its history is second to none and Percy comes up with certain anecdotes that stun you at times. Percy has been a usual visitor to the cricket ground even before the country gained Test status and present day Sri Lankan players call him affectionately ‘Uncle Percy’. No doubt that some of his comments have angered overseas players, but none of them have a had a row with him for they know that Percy doesn’t mean any harm. Today in ‘Outrageous moments of Sri Lanka Cricket’, we look back at some of those unforgettable comments by Percy the legend.

Andy Flower probably was the greatest Test batsman produced by Zimbabwe. He was in terrific form during his country’s tour of Sri Lanka in 2001. Flower had made a big hundred in Colombo in the first Test and at the end of the game, Percy paid him a rich tribute with a poem that indeed would have made any great poet proud.

‘Hey Andy,
You are indeed handy,
When you come to Kandy,
I’ll give you brandy,
But you bring the shandy,
After brandy,
If you try to be chandi
And hit Murali out of Kandy,
I will make you nondi.’


When the dressing room attendant explained Flower the meaning of some of certain Sinhalese words all Flower’s teammates laughed out.
One of the best Percy masterpieces was of course reserved to former Australian opener David Boon, whose appearance reminded you of a smart street fighter. Boon was coming down form the SSC changing room to open batting and Percy quipped in with some carefully selected words.

‘David Boon,
Tasmanian Goon,
Come back soon,
Before noon.’

Good old Boony obliged uncle Percy duly.

In a Test against England in 2001 in Kandy, Sri Lanka had gained the initiative, but Captain Nasser Hussain fought back with all-rounder Craig White and the partnership was frustrating the hosts. Captain Sanath Jayasuriya made a bowling change by brining in Chaminda Vaas and all of a
sudden Percy erupted.

‘Hey Vaasy,
You are Classy,
Now get a wicket for uncle Percy.’


Not much success for Percy this time as Hussain went to get a hundred and England went onto win the Test.

No doubt that Aravinda de Silva has given many thrilling moments for Sri Lanka’s supporters. The pull and the hook were his trademark shots. Early on in his career, while these shots paid rich dividends for the star batsman it also brought about his downfall a few times.

On one such instance as Aravinda headed towards the pavilion Percy shouted.

‘Aravindaa,
Numba hinda,
Api hamoma Dukwinda’


In the early 1980s when New Zealand toured Sri Lanka former all-rounder Lance Cairns, father of Chris Cairns, hammered former fast bowler Vinothan John for 23 runs in the last over of a one-day international and as a disappointed John headed back to the dressing room Percy showed his disappointment.

‘Hey John, why were you born?’

While appreciating Sri Lanka’s cricketers, Percy at times can be harsh on them as well if they weren’t up to the mark. One of Percy’s popular quotes whenever there’s a misfiled is, ‘Percy, has no mercy, for cricketers who are lazy.’

One day, again in Kandy, Percy was going on and on with some of his common remarks such as one above at the end of day’s play when the players’ were warming down. He was probably after a visit to the adjoining Old Trinitians Sports Club as well and as he was uttering the same things over and over again Russel Arnold chipped in and said, ‘Ok, ok Percy now you are boring.’ Percy smiled and instantly shot back. ‘I am boring, but putha your are not scoring.' Even Arnold was amused. Not even a good player like Arnold could put Percy down and after hitting back at the batsman Percy proudly announced

‘Russiyawe Lenin
Balapitiye Percy hamadama kelin.’

Two of Percy’s favourite players are Sachin Tendulkar and Sir Garfield Sobers. In fact he named two of his grandsons ‘Sachin’ and ‘Garfield’ after the two cricketers. But in Colombo, when once Tendulkar got out playing a rash shot Percy was compelled to give one back to one of the greatest players he admired.

‘One fine day, Gavasker came,
Another fine day, Vengsarkar came,
Yet another fine day, Manjrekar came
Today Tendulkar came,
None of the bast---s knew how to play the game.’


Percy is a person who loves the traditions of the sport and may have been hurt when the match fixing controversy embroiled so many leading players including his good friend Mohammad Azharuddin, the former Indian captain. During a warm up game between India and Sri Lanka Board President’s XI at the P. Sara Stadium, Percy frowned at the Indian dressing room and came up
with this beauty.

‘Cricket is a game of gentlemen,
Invented by the English,
Improvised by the Aussies,
Mastered by the Sri Lankans,
And f---ed up by you bloody Indians’


During the pre-Test era, England were playing an unofficial Test in Colombo and off-spinner Jeff Cope was having a difficult time and didn’t look like getting a wicket and Percy hit back.

‘Mr. Cope,
There’s no hope,
Until you call the Pope.’


Captain Tony Greig didn’t like the remark and supposed to have told something nasty to Percy and our man soon took Greig to task.

‘Hey Greigy,
You’ve got your height,
I’ve got my might,
I’ll send you up like a kite,
If the air is right,
And I’ll have you for a bite,
Especially if I am tight.


Every since Percy and Tony have been great friends.

Not only the players, even the spectators have got it from Percy. One spectator who tried to irritate him once shouted, ‘Percy go home!’ Percy hit back immediately asking, ‘Your home?’

Another spectator trying to upset Percy one day shouted ‘Ado Percy pina’. The genius wasn’t bothered and hit back at the troublemaker.

Mama pina,
Bat karanne Sana,
Umbalage amma gona’


Percy truly is a great character. People who see his exterior hardly know what a fine human being he is. He’s got no hidden agendas and derives great satisfaction in supporting the team.Percy truly

262Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Sat Apr 21, 2012 3:01 pm

Redbulls


Director - Equity Analytics
Director - Equity Analytics

SL.Market wrote:Loveable Sri Lankan Cheer Leader..... Percy

By Rex Clementine

The entire team rose up in respect when one of the greatest fast bowler to have played the game Sir Richard Hadlee paid a visit to the Sri Lankan dressing room during the first Test Match in Christchurch. While Hadlee collected a few autographs from the players, he apparently asked Chaminda Vaas how his great pal Percy Abeysekara was. Hadlee has been a great admirer of Percy and had even presented the Sri Lankan cheerleader some of his memorabilia after he saw the Sri Lankan’s knowledge and passion for the game. ‘Percy, don’t lose your voice, Sri Lanka needs it more than you,’ he’s supposed to have written in one of Percy’s autographs.

Many players have had a liking for this cheerleader. His knowledge of the game and its history is second to none and Percy comes up with certain anecdotes that stun you at times. Percy has been a usual visitor to the cricket ground even before the country gained Test status and present day Sri Lankan players call him affectionately ‘Uncle Percy’. No doubt that some of his comments have angered overseas players, but none of them have a had a row with him for they know that Percy doesn’t mean any harm. Today in ‘Outrageous moments of Sri Lanka Cricket’, we look back at some of those unforgettable comments by Percy the legend.

Andy Flower probably was the greatest Test batsman produced by Zimbabwe. He was in terrific form during his country’s tour of Sri Lanka in 2001. Flower had made a big hundred in Colombo in the first Test and at the end of the game, Percy paid him a rich tribute with a poem that indeed would have made any great poet proud.

‘Hey Andy,
You are indeed handy,
When you come to Kandy,
I’ll give you brandy,
But you bring the shandy,
After brandy,
If you try to be chandi
And hit Murali out of Kandy,
I will make you nondi.’


When the dressing room attendant explained Flower the meaning of some of certain Sinhalese words all Flower’s teammates laughed out.
One of the best Percy masterpieces was of course reserved to former Australian opener David Boon, whose appearance reminded you of a smart street fighter. Boon was coming down form the SSC changing room to open batting and Percy quipped in with some carefully selected words.

‘David Boon,
Tasmanian Goon,
Come back soon,
Before noon.’

Good old Boony obliged uncle Percy duly.

In a Test against England in 2001 in Kandy, Sri Lanka had gained the initiative, but Captain Nasser Hussain fought back with all-rounder Craig White and the partnership was frustrating the hosts. Captain Sanath Jayasuriya made a bowling change by brining in Chaminda Vaas and all of a
sudden Percy erupted.

‘Hey Vaasy,
You are Classy,
Now get a wicket for uncle Percy.’


Not much success for Percy this time as Hussain went to get a hundred and England went onto win the Test.

No doubt that Aravinda de Silva has given many thrilling moments for Sri Lanka’s supporters. The pull and the hook were his trademark shots. Early on in his career, while these shots paid rich dividends for the star batsman it also brought about his downfall a few times.

On one such instance as Aravinda headed towards the pavilion Percy shouted.

‘Aravindaa,
Numba hinda,
Api hamoma Dukwinda’


In the early 1980s when New Zealand toured Sri Lanka former all-rounder Lance Cairns, father of Chris Cairns, hammered former fast bowler Vinothan John for 23 runs in the last over of a one-day international and as a disappointed John headed back to the dressing room Percy showed his disappointment.

‘Hey John, why were you born?’

While appreciating Sri Lanka’s cricketers, Percy at times can be harsh on them as well if they weren’t up to the mark. One of Percy’s popular quotes whenever there’s a misfiled is, ‘Percy, has no mercy, for cricketers who are lazy.’

One day, again in Kandy, Percy was going on and on with some of his common remarks such as one above at the end of day’s play when the players’ were warming down. He was probably after a visit to the adjoining Old Trinitians Sports Club as well and as he was uttering the same things over and over again Russel Arnold chipped in and said, ‘Ok, ok Percy now you are boring.’ Percy smiled and instantly shot back. ‘I am boring, but putha your are not scoring.' Even Arnold was amused. Not even a good player like Arnold could put Percy down and after hitting back at the batsman Percy proudly announced

‘Russiyawe Lenin
Balapitiye Percy hamadama kelin.’

Two of Percy’s favourite players are Sachin Tendulkar and Sir Garfield Sobers. In fact he named two of his grandsons ‘Sachin’ and ‘Garfield’ after the two cricketers. But in Colombo, when once Tendulkar got out playing a rash shot Percy was compelled to give one back to one of the greatest players he admired.

‘One fine day, Gavasker came,
Another fine day, Vengsarkar came,
Yet another fine day, Manjrekar came
Today Tendulkar came,
None of the bast---s knew how to play the game.’


Percy is a person who loves the traditions of the sport and may have been hurt when the match fixing controversy embroiled so many leading players including his good friend Mohammad Azharuddin, the former Indian captain. During a warm up game between India and Sri Lanka Board President’s XI at the P. Sara Stadium, Percy frowned at the Indian dressing room and came up
with this beauty.

‘Cricket is a game of gentlemen,
Invented by the English,
Improvised by the Aussies,
Mastered by the Sri Lankans,
And f---ed up by you bloody Indians’


During the pre-Test era, England were playing an unofficial Test in Colombo and off-spinner Jeff Cope was having a difficult time and didn’t look like getting a wicket and Percy hit back.

‘Mr. Cope,
There’s no hope,
Until you call the Pope.’


Captain Tony Greig didn’t like the remark and supposed to have told something nasty to Percy and our man soon took Greig to task.

‘Hey Greigy,
You’ve got your height,
I’ve got my might,
I’ll send you up like a kite,
If the air is right,
And I’ll have you for a bite,
Especially if I am tight.


Every since Percy and Tony have been great friends.

Not only the players, even the spectators have got it from Percy. One spectator who tried to irritate him once shouted, ‘Percy go home!’ Percy hit back immediately asking, ‘Your home?’

Another spectator trying to upset Percy one day shouted ‘Ado Percy pina’. The genius wasn’t bothered and hit back at the troublemaker.

Mama pina,
Bat karanne Sana,
Umbalage amma gona’


Percy truly is a great character. People who see his exterior hardly know what a fine human being he is. He’s got no hidden agendas and derives great satisfaction in supporting the team.Percy truly

No doubt he is great.
Thanks SL.Market.

263Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Sat Apr 21, 2012 3:42 pm

K.Haputantri


Co-Admin

Thanks SL Market.

264Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty How Various People Search for a Wife Sat Apr 21, 2012 10:17 pm

sriranga


Co-Admin

FISHERMAN
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish.
Must have own boat with motor.
Please send photograph of motorboat.

SALESMAN
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car and successful career!

ECONOMIST
I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest.

MATHEMATICIAN
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit.

IT CONSULTANT
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency. Compatibility could be an issue.

BUSINESS MAN
Wife wanted for company.

POLITICIAN
I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities, as we should in a civilized society................. (etc etc and never getting to the point)

CAR DEALER
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent working condition.

FARMER
Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading.

LAWYER
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage.
The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly -a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objections would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in limited confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on our part of any kind whatsoever.

PILOT
Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed applicants. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!!

BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.

ACCOUNTANT
Required a girl - 5'8' & 36' 24' 36' with a good head for figures. She must be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible. She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.

SHIRABI
Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a drinks factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come round. Friends come round only seven times a week. Girl preferred who can carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally in a bar or send drinks for trial. Sample should be ample.

MINICAB DRIVER
Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I'm calling from base, erm a wife is needed for pick me up. Driving license not necessary, but map reading skills are a bonus.

BUILDER
Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up.

DOCTOR
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However if you feel the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me.

ARMY COMMANDO
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares wins. Camouflage provided.

RACE CAR DRIVER
A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able to keep pace!

ASTRONAUT
I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world!

Source: via email

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

265Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty 7 Lovely Logic Sun Apr 22, 2012 1:34 pm

sriranga


Co-Admin

1. Make peace with your Past
so it doesn't spoil your Present.

2. What others Think about you is
None of your Business.


3. Time Heels almost Everything
Give the Time,Some Time.

4. No one is the Reasons of your happiness,
Except you Yourself.


5. Don't compare your Life with others,
You have No Idea what their journey is all about.

6. Stop thinking too much,
Its Alright not to know all the Answers.

7. Smile,you don't own
all the Problems in the World.


Source: via email

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

266Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Mon Apr 23, 2012 4:52 pm

SL.Market

SL.Market
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics

No:207


Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Downlo10

267Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Mon Apr 23, 2012 5:16 pm

K.Haputantri

K.Haputantri
Co-Admin

Nice one SL Market.

268Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Tue Apr 24, 2012 4:24 pm

SL.Market

SL.Market
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics

Johnny wanted to screw a girl in his office ... ....but she had a boyfriend...

One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you $1000 dollars if you let me screw you"
But the girl said "NO
WAY!"


Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up"

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend ... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says "Ask him for $2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down!"
So she agrees and accepts the proposal.

Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks "What happened?"

She said "The bastard used coins!!"

Management lesson:
Always consider a business proposal in it's entirety before agreeing to it, and getting screwed!

269Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Tue Apr 24, 2012 6:11 pm

K.Haputantri

K.Haputantri
Co-Admin

Ha Ha! Nice way to learn Management.

270Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty The circle of life Tue Apr 24, 2012 8:00 pm

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

At the age of 3, success is not shitting in your pants
At the age of 12, success is having friends
At the age of 18, success is having a drivers license
At the age of 20, success is having sex
At the age of 35, success is having money
………
At the age of 50, success is having money
At the age of 60, success is having sex
At the age of 70, success is having a drivers license
At the age of 75 success is having friends
At the age of 80, success is not shitting in your pant

Joke for the Day

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner.

“Son, where were you today?”

The son says “At school dad.” Robot slaps the son!

“Ok, I watched a DVD at my friends house!” “What DVD?” “Toy story.” Robot slaps the son again! “Ok, it was a porno” cries the son.

“What! When I was your age I didn’t know what porn was” says the dad. Robot slaps the dad.

Mom laughs “HaHaHa! He’s certainly your son.” Robot slaps the mom.

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

271Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Clever Signs Sat Apr 28, 2012 12:48 am

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

Sign over a Gynaecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."


**************************
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

**************************
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels


**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."


**************************
On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

**************************
On a Church's Bill board:
"7 days without God makes one weak."


**************************
At a Tyre Store:
"Invite us to your next blowout."


**************************
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

**************************
In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

**************************
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."


**************************
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."


**************************
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"


**************************
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

**************************
Outside a Car Exhaust Store:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

**************************
In a Vets waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

**************************
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

272Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Tue May 01, 2012 11:31 am

SL.Market

SL.Market
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics

1. A Foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption:
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication:
1.. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.


4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.

5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral: BE SPECIFIC


6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.


7. Let us be generous like this: Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.


Ant 1 says: we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says: No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says: No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says: No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.


8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.


9. Question: When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer: On their MARRIAGE.



10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if you are still in Darkness �?"
Please PAY your ELECTRICITY BILL.

273Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Tue May 01, 2012 1:19 pm

K.Haputantri

K.Haputantri
Co-Admin

Very good one SL Market. Thanks.

274Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Bankers Never Learn Tue May 01, 2012 2:16 pm

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

The reason for the Recession — simplified.

A naked and drunken woman boards a cab in London one night.
The driver keeps staring and does not start the cab.
Woman : Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before ???
Driver : I am not staring at you lady ….. just wondering where you kept money to pay !!

The Moral : That is what most of the Banks failed to do. (i.e.) Assessing repayment capacity before taking exposure !!!


http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

275Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Tue May 01, 2012 3:44 pm

K.Haputantri

K.Haputantri
Co-Admin

Good one Shri, I hope bankers read this.

276Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Success Fri May 04, 2012 9:59 am

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Succ10

Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Secret10

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

277Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty The Broker and The Dead Donkey Sat May 05, 2012 7:27 pm

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

A broker named, Jean Paul, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer named Ben for $100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day, Ben drove up and said, “Sorry, but I have some bad news.The donkey died.”

"Well, then, just give me the money back,” said the broker.

"Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.” Replied Ben.

"OK, then. Just unload the donkey,” said Jean Paul.

”What ya going to do with him?” asked Ben.

”I’m going to raffle him off,” said Jean Paul.

”You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!” uttered Ben.

"Sure can. Watch me. I just won’t tell that he’s dead,” said Jean Paul.

A month later Ben met up with the Cajun and asked, “What happenedwith that dead donkey?”

"I raffled him off, I did. I sold 500-hunderd tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898,” said Jean Paul.

”Didn’t anyone complain?” inquired Ben.

"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back,” said the broker
Source: via email

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

278Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Sun May 06, 2012 8:16 am

K.Haputantri

K.Haputantri
Co-Admin

Nice one Shri. Thanks.

279Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Business Circle Mon May 07, 2012 11:14 am

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

One day a tourist comes to the only hotel in a debt ridden town.Lays a Rs1000 note on the table & goes to inspect the rooms.Hotel owner takes the note & rushes to pay his debt to the butcher.Butcher runes to pay the goat farmer.Goat farmer runs to pay the feed supplier.Supplier runs to pay the prostitute who in these hard times gave her services on credit.Prostitute then runs to pay off her debt to the hotel owner for the rooms she rented for her clients.Hotel owner then lays then Rs.1000 note back on the counter.
The tourist comes down takes his money & leaves as he did not like the rooms.No one earned anything.But the town is not without debt & looks to the future with a lot of optimisim.And that is how the world is doing business today !

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

280Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Mon May 07, 2012 2:35 pm

K.Haputantri

K.Haputantri
Co-Admin

Oh what a cycle it is! Thanks Shri.

281Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty How the Fight Started….. Tue May 08, 2012 6:09 pm

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift…The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift.When she asked me why, I replied,” Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
And that’s how the fight started…..

My wife and I were watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaire while we were in bed.I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?” No,’ she answered. I then said,’ Is that your final answer?’ She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes….’So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And that’s when the fight started…

I took my wife to a restaurant.The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.”I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.”He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”"Nah, she can order for herself.”
And that’s when the fight started…..

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.I asked her, “Do you know him?”"Yes”, she sighed,”He’s my old boyfriend…. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.”"My God!” I said, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
And then the fight started…

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.She asked, “What’s on TV?” I said, “Dust.”
And then the fight started…

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed… I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”My loving wife of 5 years replied, “And, can you believe my stupid husbandis out fishing in that?”
And that’s how the fight started…

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.”I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started……

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my age.I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application…When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office…She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.’
And then the fight started…

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,”I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.I really need you to pay me a compliment.’I replied, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
And then the fight started……..

Source: via email

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

282Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Wed May 09, 2012 8:30 am

SL.Market

SL.Market
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics

No:217

Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Chandr10

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I’m going to be honest of what I’m going to say here.

I’m 25 this year. I’m very pretty, have style and good taste.

I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above.

You might say that I’m greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York.

My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?

I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you?

Among those I’ve dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit.

If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I’m here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches are only average-looking? I’ve met a few girls who don’t have looks and are not interesting, but
they are able to marry rich guys.
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
Ms. Pretty



A philosophical reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours.

Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor.

My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I’m not wasting time here.

From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.

Put the details aside, what you’re trying to do is an exchange of “beauty”and “money” : Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.

However, there’s a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can’t be prettier year after year.

Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset,and you are a depreciation asset. It’s not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worse 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position,dating with you is also a “trading position”.

If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term – same goes with the marriage that you
wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or
“leased”.

Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income.This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in “leasing” services,do contact me.

signed,
J.P. Morgan CEO

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

284Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Thu May 10, 2012 6:31 pm

SL.Market

SL.Market
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics

Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Pv11


285Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Top ten reasons investing is like sex Fri May 11, 2012 5:00 pm

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

01. Some like it long, some like it short.
02. You can study the market as much as you like, but it all comes down to luck.
03. Those who talk about it the most, have the least experience.
04. One simple mistake could lead to 18 unprofitable years.
05. Some prefer to sit back and watch it grow.
06. Terms include swing trading, asset turnover, naked call, after hours, insider trading, silent partner, blind entries, 30-day wash rule, straddle, triangles, descending tops, ascending bottoms, pump and dump, partial surrender, stop order, position limit, voluntary liquidation, and explicit interest.
07. Low confidence can keep you out of the market.
08. Everyone tends to focus on performance.
09. Some do it alone, others do it with a group, and some hire professionals, and the best reason …
10. Some positions are better than others and the best position is always up for debate!
And remember, past performance is not necessarily indicative of future results.

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

286Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Lesson for traders Sat May 12, 2012 10:12 pm

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night,when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?



Think before you continue reading.



This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able
to find your perfect mate again.




YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS…………………
The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: ‘I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.’
Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.

And the lesson for traders?
Our stubborn thinking about what the market ought to do or should do can keep us from seeing what the market is doing.
Never forget that it may be best to get out of our own way and “think outside the charts.” In so doing, we may just be able to find the best answer among several difficult choices.

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

287Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Mon May 14, 2012 2:26 pm

SL.Market

SL.Market
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics



Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Hantha10

288Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Einstein and Stock Broker Mon May 14, 2012 6:45 pm

sriranga

sriranga
Co-Admin

Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready.

“I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it’s the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others” he is told by the doorman.

Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss.

So the doorman leads him to the dorm.

They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants.

“See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!”
"That’s wonderful!” says Albert. “We can discuss mathematics!”

“And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!”
“That’s wonderful!” says Albert. “We can discuss physics!”

“And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!”
“That’s wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!”

Just then another man moves out to capture Albert’s hand and shake it.
“I’m your last roommate and I’m sorry, but my IQ is only 80.”
Albert smiles back at him and says, “So, where do you think stock markets are headed?”

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

289Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Tue May 15, 2012 11:48 am

SL.Market

SL.Market
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics

A different Love letter and a beautiful reply to it.

A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.

My Dearest Reshma,

Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options

(a)10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.

1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... am I doing it?

2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:
(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile

3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you
stopped singing because:
(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song

4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it,
you

hide it because:
(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know

5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you
and you took only my friend's because:
(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know

6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...
(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded

7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:
(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them

Cool I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a
rose on your head because:
(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose

9) On that day, it was my birthday. you too came to temple

early at
6:00 A.Mbecause :
(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.

If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay
in expressing it.
If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart
and it's getting ready to bloom.
If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love
me or not.

Eagerly awaiting your reply..

Love,

Aakash

*******************************************************
Reshma's reply letter was also in Q/A format........

Aakash,

Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.


1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the
class, sees them.
(a) Yes (b) No

2) If a girls laughs and looks anyone, is it love?
(a) Yes (b) No

3) While singing, if somebody forgets

lines of the songs, will he/she
stop singing or not?
(a) Yes (b) No

4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.
You poked your nose inside..... right ?
(a) Yes (b) No

5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?
(a) Yes (b) No

6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali) at the bus stand?
a)Yes (b) No

7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
(a) Yes (b) No

Cool You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's
flower. Is
it true ?
(a) Yes (b) No

9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I
come daily to Temple. Do you know ?
(a) Yes (b) No

If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you.
If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.

Hope everything is clear to you.

Reshma

290Stock Market Entertainment - Page 11 Empty Re: Stock Market Entertainment Tue May 15, 2012 1:09 pm

K.Haputantri

K.Haputantri
Co-Admin

Good one.

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